Sunday, 21 February 2010

And then it snowed!

Grief is a many sided monster: Anger, frustration, fear, sorrow, missed opportunities, questions, dashed hopes, a huge void, but also, thankfully, many happy memories.

What hurts so much, is knowing that I can't share my joy, laughs and thoughts with the person I want to. However, losing C so young, has made me even more determined to live my life to the full. After all, C, without a doubt, the bravest person that I have, or indeed, ever will have known, wasn't scared of dying. However, she was really frightened by the thought of not living.

We had so many hopes, plans, ideas and aspirations, and I owe it to to her memory to ensure that I live my life to the full, for us both. She didn't get the chance, so I must not, and will not, squander my opportunity. I've got a plan of action, but more of that when I'm ready to move forward. I've promised myself, no hasty decisions. After all, it's only been seven weeks. Already it seems like seven years. I'm steadily getting back into the flow of life. I'm back at work, and have even visited the dentist. And yes, I did leave a ha'penny in her magic fairy tree! And then what happened?

And then it snowed............. And how C used to love the snow too!

If the fairies had sprinkled their magical white dust over the landscape during the night, the look of delight on her face in the morning was something to behold. As if the earth has been transformed into some peaceful, virginal landscape, as if wiping the slate clean and starting afresh, with everything the same colour........White.

The Three Musketeers love the snow too. Three little kangaroos, bouncing around like miniature Kangas, or maybe even Piglets with Pooh on a woozle hunt?

Well, we jumped over the style and wandered up the field. C loved the trees, and today they seemed even more magical, being covered in their fairy dust. Twinkling in the sunlight like christmas tree lights - It was only a few months ago that C seeked my reassurance that it wouldn't be the last time that she put up our own christmas tree decorations. "Of course not love, you'll be fine" What else could I say? Anyway, I really believed that she would be fine. How wrong can a man be?

C would often wonder what the trees had seen in the course of their lives. People coming and going, landscapes changing, farmers, walkers, lovers, or people like me, just collecting their thoughts, and their Jack Russell Terriers, that is, if they can find them!

Well, it's strange that I think on such a peaceful morning, that the particular oak tree that I stop at, has also played witness to war, to my mind, on two occasions -The first was the English Civil War. Apparently there was a skirmish in this field. I know this from metal detecting with my friend here. Although I've not been so lucky, he's found musket balls, a lead powder keg as well as some Stuart period coinage. The last one was a James I silver shilling. Now that was a lot of money to lose. A shilling!!! What would that have bought in it's day?

And the other war I mentioned? Not so many years ago, this one. The farm is now run by his son, but his father, who passed away a few years, was a wartime Lancaster pilot. He was, unlike my own uncle, one of the "lucky" ones who came home in 1945. He came home with a DFC and Bar, after 60 operational sorties. Not many lasted that long. But before he came home, he had flown his Lanc. directly over the farm, on a "flying visit" which is still much talked to this day. I wonder if the old oak tree remembers it?

I follow their tracks and find the dogs. Well, as far as I can tell, no woozles today, but I think a couple of rabbits had a lucky escape! As I towel the dogs down, I'm pleased to notice that I left the kettle on the rayburn. Time for tea with a generous slice of apple and sultana cake, me thinks!








22 comments:

  1. A very beautiful blog, Mr W. There is a tear in my eye. I am so glad that you have those little terrors (no, not a spelling mistake!) to keep you company.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Snow does transform the landscape so magically - it's hard not to fall under its spell.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you for this lovely blog Mr Woozle . . . we on Purplecoo will always miss our Woozle, but her memory lives on as strong as ever and a day doesn't pass when I don't think of her and you now when it snows and I walk my own dogs I shall think of her some more and wonder if you are out walkig too and remember how lucky I was to have known her . . .

    ReplyDelete
  4. What a beautifully written blog.I can't begin to think how hard it must be for you, and I also, am glad you have those little scamps for company. You are dealing with your terrible grief in such a positive way, and you will find blogging therapeutic in dealing with your thoughts, and know we are all here to support you along the way. No doubt dear Woozle is up there smiling.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you for sharing your wonderfully written blog with us. I think of dear Woozle often, she was a very special person with a deep kindness for others.

    Lovely picture of the dogs who I just know will be a great comfort to you, please know we are all here for you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. What a delight it is to visit with you, Mr. Woozle. I'm looking forward to getting to know your dogs and see the places where dear Woozle found such happiness. Take care and keep the kettle on.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lovely first post!
    It's good to get out with the terriers on a snowy day - somehow a walk in fresh snow helps keep one in the moment.
    I look forward to reading more.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I see you share C's talent for the written word. I hope those terrors haven't eaten the stripey cushions I made. I shall keep the little card she sent forever.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dear Mr. Woozle, what a wonderful blog, thank you for writing it, and putting all our lives into perspective. I admire you for your forward plan, I really do, and may God and the snow fairies give you the strength to carry it out. Thank goodness you have the dogs - one reason to be out and about and cheerful. Very best wishes to you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Lovely to read this - I think your very positive 'I will live my life to the full' message is truly inspirational. Of course it will be hard, nobody would think otherwise, but a determination to have a full life will carry you through the darkest places, Woozle will always walk beside you. And so will the dogs!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Strange but I can almost hear Woozle talking throughout your blog....She will always be with you.Take care of yourself and the little doggies and I look forward to hearing more about your corner of the world.

    ReplyDelete
  12. It's snowing here too, all crystal and down. The trees really do look wondrous - wish the same could be said of my dogs who have found the only bit of unfrozen mud on the farm. I understand a long haired JRT getting a tad muddy but three whippets!!!??? When it gets hard dogs have a way of making you look at the now of life just when you need to most. Wonderful first of hopefully many posts...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Lovely to read this and yes, I 'heard' Carmen in this too - you both write so well! Oddly enough I was walking my dog out in the snow this morning and was thinking of her and hoping you were doing OK. Great blog, first of many I hope!

    ReplyDelete
  14. You have a lovely way with words too.
    Welcome to blogland my friend.
    C and yourself are an inspiration...so much so that I'm going to start blogging again..very soon!

    I'm so glad you've joined us.

    Take care
    D
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hello, Mr W. Carmen was a great girl (who I knew via the screen - but she burst her way through and was one of the good ones). I enjoyed your blog, started though it was in grief and hope that you get there, however long it takes. Last year PC lost a member's husband, young, and then Carmen went far far too early. And I'm very sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Mr Woozle, I loved every bit of your blog. Beautifully written - you are an inspiration to all of us. Always in our thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  17. What a lovely and warm debut. I started reading while still in the office but had to stop because my eyes started to fill with tears. Now that I am at home I could read it again and would like to thank you for it.C was an inspiration to all of us. It will take time to fill the empty place and on Purple Coo and here in blogland there are always people with an open ear if you feel you can't speak about your loss to your "real-life" friends yet again.

    I often wonder what old trees might have seen during their time. We have a couple of oak-trees here supposed to be more than 300 years of age.

    ReplyDelete
  18. brave and wonderful blog ,,thankyou for sharing it ,,jep xx god bless

    ReplyDelete
  19. I too felt as though Carmen was 'speaking' in this your wonderful first blog. Look forward to hearing more from you, take care of yourself and your three little friends.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Well said, Mr Woozle - what a lovely post and a wonderful tribute to your girl. I've never thought about trees remembering - but now I will and will think of Mrs W when I do!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Only just discovered your blog site. What a lovely piece...so beautifully written. Very interesting too about the war connections.

    Your bravery and positivity comes shining through... I agree..life is so precious that we should relish every day with enthusiasm.

    ReplyDelete